Saturday, November 19, 2011

It Happens, Actually...

Actually I was kind of used to it. I was used to the everyday pain, complications and people around me going through a range of emotions. It was not just a day or two that it was happening. It was happening since a long time, some ten odd months is actually not a long time. But it seemed to be. It is the suffering that made simple things look so complicated, it made the entire process so tiresome, it basically made the days longer than they actually were.

Life was not the same anymore. The family had to stay calm; they knew it was inevitable with each passing day. But who wants to accept certain truths of life and just move on. Practically, it was impossible. At the same time it was also impossible to accept what was waiting. I was just a passive observer throughout. Expressionless, as usual. Life has told me once again to stop expecting. I never had actually, but when things go beyond our control, we become terribly submissive. To a point where, even the Gods/Goddesses feel that we all have become artificial suddenly in front of them. Then this is life! Who are we kidding anyway; do we have any control on our life? The answer is a clear NO. Sometimes I wonder where exactly we have reached with our development in medical science, our progress in technology. All this really does not work sometimes. These ‘sometimes’ decide a lot in our lives. Or should I say life and death. Everything fails.

We realize the effect of presence of someone the moment we see the person is no more around. However unavoidable the situation is, we still pray that something happens in the end. A home without a person, who is the central binding force, is a home that becomes hard to define. It loses its identity. And the person is a mother, a wife. She plays multiple roles in multiple situations going through so many emotions and stress. It’s just too damn tough to be the backbone of a family and easily slip into so many roles without a hitch. Her absence is almost unbearable; her absence cannot be filled by anyone.

That afternoon was not expected. Almost eleven months of dedicated treatment, so many promises by (so-called) renowned doctors and uncountable hopes in the heart was actually not enough. Jinu called me, I was completely into work. Maa Aau Nahi re…

Neither could I think anything that time nor could I book the tickets for him thanks to our great Indian airline system that made tickets so expensive that an economy class ticket was costing the same that of London return fares. He left next morning though, he saw Mausi last on 14th November. It was just 5 days since he came back. Just 5 days.

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