Sunday, October 7, 2012

My Tryst With a Kite...

They say marriages are made in heaven! But nobody ever thought where divorces came from! I have seen and been with many girls in my life, each having their individual place in my heart. They all have their unique identities. And I have been transparent enough with each of them about the feelings I share. The best part is they know each other; it has been only possible when you are true to yourself and with the person in front.

Life has moved on a lot since my first love. Loved many, few loved me back…. But today I still stand officially single. With no instant plans to get into the marriage-thing. I love being a single; it has got its own benefits and drawbacks as well. Finding love, being in love and marrying are three different things, realized it later, but a good realization.

I met different people at different stages of my life. Each came with their priorities, preferences and expectations. They are still there, quite in touch. They have been a part of my life and will remain so till I live. I had my priorities, they had theirs, and we still talk about it. And we agree to disagree on those things. It’s fair. Been scared of staying far from my family as already spend close to half a decade without them. So, it’s just a matter of time I will head back towards homeland even if I have to compromise on more than one thing. What better place is there than your home! No alternatives, no replacements, home is home, sweet home.

As I had made an announcement on our last trip regarding me getting married, let me just put forward a word on that. I have decided that if for a day, let me just get married to you. And here is what I thought:

For You who always hated dogs….. From Subhajit who always listened to her…

It has been 18 months of uncountable moments which defined my relationship with you. We have been questioned by people around us pertaining to the justification of this unique & interesting relationship I shared with you. My close friend always wanted to you to just say ‘yes’ so that I would be happy & settle down. He did not realize that things are not what it seems to be. I liked you, fell in love and then avoided you for just one reason…to come back & stay with you forever. Yes, I knew we are never destined to be together, never were. But this heart is too na├»ve to understand such criticalities of life. Mind knew it, from the beginning, always nagged me too. I listened to it at some point, and then just let my heart guide me. Today, all I am left with is just few days to count. Actually I always imagined you with ‘him’, never alone, that’s why it always helped me to have restrictions on my emotions. You made me to flow again, just to stop it when turning back would be more painful. You loved me more than I did, came so late in my life and going far so early. We know we won’t be apart, but we also know we have no future. So similar to Kites… hmmm.

Loved all your tantrums, dramas, little things and sweet nothings. It’s never easy to be a drama queen like you. And it’s never easy to find another Bindaash Girl like you. You may wonder why I am writing the sentences in past tense, but the reason for that is nothing new. I have started phasing out emotions from you, again, just like Maruti 800 from market! It’s not easy, but it’s the only way out. Hope you positively allow me to do that. As it won’t be easy for me to move ahead with such true & strong feelings for you. After ‘her’, it’s been you who moved me so much. Will miss numerous things, be it Sev Tomato or Prawns, be it Five Spices or CCD. Those late night bike rides will remain unforgettable. You have been really nice to me in spite of my expectations, and mostly I have hurt you by expecting.
Distance won’t change the attachment we have, but it will change a lot of things. You know it. We know it. I never left you, nor will I. May be, we have got better people to stay within our lives. 
Finally some of my favorite lines for you:

I have to tell you this and you need to hear it. I loved you since I met you, but I wouldn't allow myself to truly feel it until today. I was always thinking ahead, making decisions soaked with fear... Today, because of you... what I learned from you; every choice I made was different and my life has completely changed... and I've learned that if you do that, then you're living your life fully... it doesn't matter if you have five minutes or fifty years. Dear, if not for today, if not for you I would never have these moments at all... So thank you for being the person who taught me to love... and to be loved….

A man's real possession is his memory. In nothing else is he rich, in nothing else is he poor. You can close your eyes to reality, but not to memories. Will carry all these memories with each passing year of my life to reflect back and feel good about. Because, life has been of no regrets, it should not be. Memory is the storehouse in which the substance of our knowledge is treasured up.

Hey, all the luck to you girl in your career ahead, you got a lot of potential which is unexplored. All the love for your life ahead with your closed ones. And all the best for your future accidents with me whenever it occurs, I am sure it will.

Life goes on… So am I…

27th May, 2010

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