Tuesday, December 2, 2014

Words & Me


There is this person who always told me how she loves my words more than me. She has always maintained it. Never changed her stand. I tried persuading her all throughout. Catherine is one stubborn yet sincere reader of my irrelevant work. But each time she says that she loves my words more than me, I honestly feel jealous of my words. I felt I need to crosscheck with Aditya to find if I deserved some attention just like my words. He also declined to oblige my contribution to my words. I felt disowned. It was almost getting proved that my words were actually better than me. It was obvious on my part to feel restless and not so happy.

I felt what should I be doing to be liked by people. It was hard to find a reason. It was equally difficult to find a better alternative to the 'words' either. In Marketing terminology, I almost went on to sell myself. It was of no use. I was falling behind in the race to my own words. My words were going ahead each time I wrote. I decided to write things that won't please the readers. I wrote about incidents that presented the ugly realities of the world. I penned down stories that would disturb an average reader. I often tried to stir the stereotyped sensibilities we are conditioned to.

In the process of all such efforts, I found myself far behind in the race. So behind that, I realized I will never be able to win it. My words took the limelight. It is not that I didn't like the limelight, but I never disliked it. I knew I will always remain a shadow to my words. My words no more were an extension to my definition, they eclipsed my identity altogether. I started analyzing what am I writing, I dissected them to the core. I said to myself I cannot write anything more extreme than this.

I found out I was only writing Truth.

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