Friday, December 31, 2010

Year End Dry Thoughts...

After long getting some time for yourself is really a welcome change. Amongst all the mismatched schedule and last minute no-shows the soothing sound of unending waves are more than enough to take you to an introspective ride. So I went to so many such rides and it really made up for my lost water rides due to bad health. Goa, has its own charm and it lies in its sheer small little things. Be it the old-styled homes, simple people, narrowest possible roads, no-rush-to-modern ethos in every corner. Life goes for a sudden break and throws you to the relaxed seat. You start noticing these tiny little things of life and relish it again and again. Such places makes me tell myself that I can still be the same person without so many things I feel is essential for life. I, as a person, keep a low profile for many reasons and it works. Off late, this status of mine has been tampered by people as well as by me in some cases. But a sharp SWOT analysis has given me the result that I could still have done the same things without crossing my low-profile status. But I did. Then why? To prove something to others or to make my presence felt in the social circuit! Such race, to be there in limelight,  never was on priority list, so it makes me think that I should have hold back myself in some situations instead of making them so evident. Basically, I feel it's time to look at those small things of life, watching which I grew up & got a better understanding of life.

Well 2010 will be remembered as a year that had an inclination towards negativity than positive news. But it will definitely make me stronger as a person in future. Professional life is on track and hope the leap would reap something better than ever. Personal life remained not-so-happening as usual complex. So one of my new year plan is to have clarity in the personal life. Well, no clichéd resolutions, but getting into some good health and learning few new languages is also on the list of things to do. December was a quite a busy  month with my birthday being the most hectic one. But the work kind of gave me some new pulsating energy and made me like it. 'Hope' will be a non-existent word in my dictionary next year onwards. Concluded that it really does not have any meaning nor it has any importance in life. 

Wishing you all 365 happy days with each day having a story to tell & a memory to share (and less rain;).

Friday, November 26, 2010

May Be...

November will be over in next few days. Rains still holding their fort with drizzles here & there. Rajnikant SMSs are doing the rounds and I am still getting late to office. Today the nation remembers ‘another’ dreadful day we gone through 2 years before in Mumbai & that crook is still getting fed in our jail. Today, one of my current company’s most ambitious and fast growing business format completes 3 years as well. Even it tops in attrition amongst the other divisions, all a part & parcel of the business. Today, also the shraadh of my grandfather. A great principled man, who ‘lived’. After repeated denials by my father regarding my ambitious business projects (I go with a new proposal & a concept, each time I go home), I decided to concentrate fully on the job front. Still that longing for home kills me inside even when I (almost) get raped inside a local train almost every morning or eat that crappy sandwich in the lunch. Home’s home, come what may. My friend lost her mother at a time when he still has miles to cover in his life. It’s not that feeling of people leaving us that makes me feel numb & introspective, but the mere feeling of being away from them & going blank in their absence. Life has become a 24 hour cycle with an objective attached to each hour and carrots you will get on completing them. We are revolving around it, may be we are going closer to the materialistic targets we have set for ourselves like buying that awesome touchscreen phone or the best car or the dream home. May be we are in a way going beyond our last generation, may be. But in between all these, I feel I am going away from my closed ones, more importantly I am losing more & more time to spend with them. But in this life, we are left with very few options, to choose any one of them seems almost impossible. Life’s one f***ing dream we chase endlessly. And it’s so insanely pleasurable!

Sunday, October 31, 2010

Sunday Bites...

Was a part of a great training session yesterday. Was interesting coz it was a Sales training. Mindsets do change a great deal when the domains differ! Had to miss a get together of a friend who is getting married next month. I have missed his invitations time & again due to the difference in demographics. And today’s a Sunday, a lovely morning. Sundays have their own memories, it’s gives you a feeling of family time and good delicious lunch with them. And a fun evening with friends. These days it is just a lunch with all attempts to make it delicious and evenings spent in the malls with friends. Anyways, no nostalgias, this blog is anyways full of nostalgia & melancholies. No good movies have come for sometime now, wait is getting longer. Family coming next weekend, so Diwali will be spent as usual with them but this time in Mumbai. One more person expired untimely last night; count is 2 in last one month. All these things make us believe how precious life is, how fortunate we are!

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

I Wonder...

I wonder how a large chunk of people very smartly but conveniently portray an image of a citizen very much concerned about the real rural India, the aam junta aka ‘mango people’ and show the connection they have with them. They also are the ones who seldom travelled through different parts of the country apart from some luxurious beaches and selected hill stations. They avidly read the ‘internet’ editions of the newspapers to ‘connect’ with the people! And they visit the sports websites to know about the most irrelevant matches & upcoming cricket teams around the world, including teams from countries even historians won’t recognize. They love to visit the best of the restobars to have a go at a premium scotch with the best of the chicken delicacy and then suddenly jump into discussing about the rotting grains. Nothing wrong in discussing about your own country sitting in a cozy pub, but thinking that you only know everything, you only understand the country and you have seen enough life is like Amar Singh talking about his concerns for poor and administration skills!

The good thing is that these people do keep themselves updated and generally have a good knowledge base, but bad part is they become intellectual hypocrites (could not find a better word here). And the number of such people is on a rise in India which is quite alarming. They are the self proclaimed know-alls like our very own moral brigades. Only difference is the brigades go on vandalizing public properties, and these guys forget where is their ‘switch off’ button to the never ending self-owned-self-approved-database.

Some very common examples/arguments these people get into are comparing personalities they root for just to showcase their connection with people. And they always differentiate these personalities based on their ‘popularity’ not their ‘credibility’! They root for Himesh singing quality as compared Shaan/KK giving the big excuse that the ‘masses’ listen him. They back Salman’s acting ability to Ajay’s saying that he reaches to the mass. They believe a Suhel Seth is a crap compared to Lalu Yadav as Suhel only talks. And Lalu works! I wonder. They give statements like Vinod was a better player than Sachin(they claim their coach said it) but as Sachin showcased himself, that’s why he got selected. I mean for God’s sake, you are questioning Sachin’s credibility; and it’s not like Vinod never has been given a chance to play for the nation! These corporate guys sit in their office canteens to discuss what they saw in NDTV last night, but when being confronted will pass comments that it’s very easy for these ‘English news channels’ and their ‘panelists’ to just talk than go to the grassroots’ level to see what’s happening. But they forget those who are sitting in the panel have either come from ground zero or have seen more life than them. Basically, these people have logic of their own to fight for their ‘mass figures’ with their own statistics and always shy away when a constructive argument kicks off and deviate the topic to any extreme at any point. They talk about promoting sports other than cricket but never complaints about the infrastructure our government provides them. They believe that it is not easy to manage such a big country and we should just let things work as it is working since ages. They also read Economic Times and blogs but hate those who create it saying that they only belong to ‘class’ not the ‘mass’. They talk about ‘women emancipation’ and at the same time believe that a woman’s real place is in kitchen not anywhere outside!

The problem with such pseudo-intellect-hypocrites is primarily their ‘ego’ and a ‘thinking’ which they create with their own rules, and these ingredients finally result in making them feel that they are the ‘best’. Worse is, they even tell that they are the best… gosh! The greatest waste in the world is the difference between what we are and what we could become. They change their priorities often just to pop their head out in the crowd without thinking what are they leaving behind. A time will come they themselves will wonder how to define ‘priorities’!

Monday, August 30, 2010

Life These Days...

It’s more than a month since I touched upon the blog spot. Time flew, and how! Home trip and mom were at their best. Well I conveniently forget my bro & dad each time I describe about home, no such reasons. Not exactly a Mumma’s boy as well ;) Had got plans not to come back, but each time circumstances backed by my real practical father kick me out to Mumbai. As I reached Mumbai last week to prepare for one battle at a new ground, the heart told me that “dude, not again”. Just consoled it by saying “just once more, one last time”. New people around, environment is more like a family out there in the workplace. Problem is I’ll be the catalyst to make things organized, do I need to do that? Sometimes, I feel we should let things happen as they are happening for years, with their own stupid ways and mistakes. Good that way. Anyways, need to mind my own job. Few new gadgets are in the queue to be bought, economy crunch is denying me, but I always defied my crunches with more spending. So this time it would be no different. Read somewhere that you should buy what you need, not what you want. Has done the later always in my life. Seems hard to change it. Hard to change anything in life, just anything.

Friday, July 30, 2010

Midnight Blah Blahs...

This one's for you Madhavi & Shantanu.

It's another Friday dawn in few hours time. Just few more days before I bid adieu to my workplace. It's been great 18 months of awesome learning time there, mixed with all possible fun & diplomacy. 'Part of the game', is how our CEO summarized when he met my boss. It's easy to sit thousands of miles away and take decisions with an one-dimensional approach, but it becomes tough to get on with life when you are at the receiving end. It's just not a cakewalk to tell hundred-odd employees that 'hey guys, we all lost our jobs' just like that. Employees who had families had to see this day for no fault of ours and this is it.

Moving on with a high spirit is the only way to take from hereon. Has been doing the same since long now and wish to carry it on. Life's a b***h and it's f***ing beautiful too. So you don't have a choice, gotta live it. So some awesomely planned night-outs are in waiting in the next few days. A friend of mine objected to the word 'morality crap' in my last post, but to be honest it's too damn good to keep the morality sh*t away for some time and enjoy the life you have at that particular moment. Will miss colleagues, the workplace, the work & bosses. They all were meant to be missed. So that I can move on ;) Am I sounding a bit harsh guys! Yes, I am doing some net practice. You know why, one of India's leading corporate declined me after 3 rounds of interviews for one reason: You're too humble... You need to be aggressive. Really! And you morons took 3 rounds and 130 minutes to tell me this crap!

And finally on the funnier side, my mom & her sisters are hell bent on me to see a girl this time I go home, if not getting married right away (which I've strongly declined some 233 time in last one year). And it's raining marriages & engagements all around. People are on a joyride to marriage! Good for them. One quote before I shut my post tonight "when a man opens a car door for his wife, it's a either a new car or a new wife."

Monday, July 26, 2010

Wonders of Differentiating your Priorities

Sometimes I wonder, where is the time for myself when all the people I love need the entire time, attention & whatnot! One vendor once remarked, “Sir you name it, we have got any stuff under the sun”. Here ‘stuff’ should not be misunderstood by that ‘stuff’. Money, in today’s world, can actually buy you happiness in all sorts of forms. You got to choose the right places to go for the shopping. Even wrong places will result in delivering some awesome experience minus the ‘morality’ crap ;)

I am different. I want to be different. These are kind of statements we hear from almost anyone & everyone. Most clichéd ones come from the film makers & actors. Be it corporates or business houses, they all are different. A singer says I could have sung this song so differently. And talks of some raags that Ustaad Bismillha Khan won’t understand. Our maid claims she is also different as she is doing so much work with such less monthly pay. Each of my friend says the kind of profile they are currently working on is so different than their previous one (post changing 4 jobs in 2.5 years) that it is no point comparing it to others profiles. One of them even gets a pay hike every 5-6 months! What an employer he is with… Dude, you are one piece; we love you so much you know. A couple is saying their pairing is so much different than others as they are so very practical. Wow, what a difference. Everyone is busy marketing him as different. I mean for God’s sake, where are we heading with all these differences? Himalayan ghats! Or Las Vegas! It’s about ‘accepting differences’ and getting on with a simplified and no-comparison lifestyle.

I also wonder how difficult it is to change the priorities in our lives! Let’s say right now, at this stage of my life, if I talk about a diversion into a different field than my current profession or getting into my own business, then there would be uncountable comments/suggestions/feedbacks that will start pouring in. Out of which more than half would be completely unwanted and incomprehensible. If I say my priority list has currently elevated my ‘family’ ahead of my ‘career’ then it would be my father who will be the first one to protest and ask me to put change that list! Priorities comes into picture often when there’s a girl, but I’m a bit experienced in that front after the initial struggle ;) We as a mankind are left with three things: faith, love & hope. Atleast, let’s not prioritize them.

Enough of wonderings (btw, there’s no such word as ‘wonderings’). Do hell with them, Alice has been to the wonderland & back. Get high, you will travel, think & act faster. Faster than you normally would do. I don’t need a Christopher Nolan telling me how to deal with my dreams. Dreams within dreams. Changed dreams…

P.S.: And hey I am done with you, monsoon. You are not travelling where you should and pouring down in Mumbai playing a spoiler for my weekend outs. So you better move your direction to places where famers need you. Stay off.

(Part of the credit of this end note goes to Jinu)

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Getting Used to Capitalism!!!

Day-1… The process starts. We knew it for a week now. Employees came to know about it today. It’s tough, real tough for them. Handling them is tougher even. HR at the job. Did something like this last year, but this year it is too damn hard. It involves all of us.Our COO broke the news to all the employees today. He himself is associated with this firm since inception, in fact he gave the name it has today to this company. Day is ending and just broke the news to the night shift employees as well.

16th June, 8:53 PM.

27 Pints of beer & 4 pegs of scotch was necessary to sleep tonight… 2:12 AM

Day-2… Today is official day-2. HR team knew this a week back including me. Tried all possible options but nothing worked out. Problem is the top management sitting in US does not understand/look at the vision we all have/had. For them, it’s all about numbers, as businessmen it is correct though. We all worked with one thing, sheer passion. Now we are thinking the worth of it! Positivity is all around. Sounds unbelievable, but true. Employee returned the favor of goodwill they received from the management so far. Felt rewarded, may be its too late. But still it’s worth it. My trainees got the news today. Shattered, but not broken down. Sign of strength, bit by bit, everywhere. Power of positivity.

17th June, 6.05 PM

Day-3… Done many CVs for myself. But doing CVs for others is quite a tough task. Made 9 CVs for employees from 4 different domains. They have their interviews scheduled. Few employee even didn’t turn up today uninformed. They cried 2 days back, today not to be seen. Split personalities! Going back in 5 minutes. Tired. For almost nothing.

18th June, 7.20 PM

Day-6… Weekend’s over. Thanks to my bro, I am roaming around Mumbai as if I am on a roaming spree. But it helps me divert from these happenings around. It’s a Monday morning today. Boss in Goa and subordinate on leave. Don’t know what shall I do till my shift ends! People have started giving interviews and some of them got offers as well, I am yet to appear for one!

21st June, 2:30 PM

Day-8… Days are occupied with counseling employees on how they can get through in other companies. How HRs will try to trap them (yes, giving away our secrets) and they will come out as a winner! So many firsts, preparing CVs of employees, helping them for interviews and discussing the offers they are getting. That’s all I/we can do as internal HRs. I am yet to start appearing for interviews, fuck appearing, yet to get a call even. People are giving all kinds of suggestions. Employees are checking their Orkut & FB accounts as there is no more firewalls. Many registering for the first time and having some good time. 80% of the production department is through as the sector they are into has got lot of opportunity in the market. And as usual, we HRs will get screwed again. I have myself enough time till I get something good. Let’s see what I have in store. I am going to have some good time, music, movies, good food, home trip, writing and what not…. No saddy feeling dear…. Hey God…are you listening??? Listen up, I am shouting and saying I AM NOT SAD nor I WILL BE.

23rd June, 7 PM

Day-14…Had given my 1st interview after a long gap. Good brush up. Also thinking to have a vacation. May be going home will be an good idea. 85% of the production are through. It’s easy for them as they have a specific expertise to work upon. HR will be stuck as usual. Don’t know what future holds. The tension is visible for the support staff even though they are trying hard to suppress it. Market is good, but openings are quite industry specific. Wonder whether the top management has ever given a thought to what will happen to 100-odd employees here in India! Or it’s just a strategic decision…typical American capitalists… BTW today’s the day I reached Mumbai few years back.

29th June, 6:29 (sitting alone in the production floor at this time!)

Day-15… Why it is difficult to say bye to those who always work without getting the due recognition? May be the kind of work they do never required so much attention. Just said ‘bye’ to one person is housekeeping, has been very dedicated and sincere employee since long. Don’t know how to describe him because never talked to him much or know about him. But you always connect to few people without interacting much. And that connection stays till the end. Well, also saw 20 odd employee saying adieu today. They will be joining our prime competitor from tomorrow. Another lot will be leaving from next week. Meeting so many people for one last time in just one day is emotionally tough. Yet HR has to get on with its remaining work. So many files, papers and documents. Need to sort them, have so much time. Just one call and everything changed. Everything’s shattered. Life’s so uncertain.

30th June, going to be 6 O’clock with almost no one in office.

Day-25… Sitting alone to complete some HRMS manual work.Alone in the entire office. 90% of the staff left. Only support staff reaming to some extent. Just for a record, where I am the only person to be logged in our messenger… not a single user apart from me.

9th July, 9:30 me & may be some ghosts around me

Day-30… Everything’s over. No more staffs left. Neither their grievances. Nor their cribbing anymore. But who wanted today to happen? At least the HR team never wanted. I sit today and find an empty production floor with some imaginary employees in my mind. True that we miss people after they leave, but also true that the top management can screw you anytime! Got few things in mind, a change in the sector or may be a diversion in career. Even own starting own things are on cards. But there’s still time, still miles to go before I die. Miles to go before I say goodbye.

Hail corporate culture, hail professionalism and hail the management!

16th July, VPT, Belapur…

Monday, June 7, 2010

Version 2.0

Life is all about reinventing yourself. We do the same work, we eat the same things, we go to the same office, we talk to the same people and we almost live the same life after we wake up on the same bed everyday. To be honest and practical, these things would remain the same. We can’t change these things. We can’t change our workplace thinking that our colleagues or boss will change; we might find the worse of them. Neither can we change daily happenings nor the surroundings. What we can change is the way we deal with them, the way we look at them, our perspective towards each such happenings and our approach. And that’s all about reinventing yourself. Professionally, I have grown from strength to strength in last 3 years. My approach has changed a lot and I have been 10 times more ‘pro-active’ now than ever before. Today, when I sit at my desk and look back 3 years and now, I find complete new version of myself. But at the same time, I feel even at this rate I have got to go a lot many miles before I declare that there’s nothing much learn. One can never say that “I am done”. No one is, no one will ever be. Few people do believe, they know almost everything and they are the best, believe me it’s a great feeling when you say this, but this is one such impossible thing to achieve.

It’s raining outside, few of the first showers of this monsoon, and I am looking through my window pane at office. Sky’s almost red, mild rain, smell of the earth (can feel it, without even opening my window) and slow wind. I am still feeling the beauty of all even after all these years with a different ‘me’. With so many revisions in my profile and so many additional responsibilities I feel like an improved version, with all new genuine updates installed. But just like software I know I need to upgrade myself to be compatible with the current market requirements. Because, it’s always good to be in the ‘recommended’ category than ‘minimum’ required category. My this version, version 2.0 is ready to be installed and take on the world. But it knows that the only key to fight it out with the contemporaries is to upgrade itself, from time to time. So a lot new versions are waiting in the wings and all I need is to make myself adaptable and compatible with all those changes…. Err, did I say ‘changes’, those are the only ‘constants’.

P.S.: Need to congratulate Rafa… for winning at Roland Garros, but Fedex gonna come back, come back harder…

Sunday, May 23, 2010

23rd May...

23rd May. One fine day my father decided that this will be the date to be entered as my birth date in certificates. He was thoroughly counseled by my great school teachers for whom keeping such a birth date was always convenient keeping the academic session in mind. Atleast this is what they say. Nobody knows why. 21st May is the ‘real’ birthday of my room-mate of MBA days. I had to stress on the word ‘real’ as a lot of fake birthdays of my friends of school days fall in this month.

This year, I am waiting for this day for last 7 days. Too eager and too anxious. Without any valid, justified or specific reason. Though Netherlands declared their independence from Spain on this day, I have been searching my independence from my daily schedule. The first African-American sergeant got the Medal of Honor in American Civil War and launch of first talking cartoon of Mickey Mouse has happened on this day. What a day! Here’s a good one: normal human sex cells have 23 chromosomes!

Though I myself never celebrated this day, all my offices celebrated it, thanks to my school certificates. Changed it in my current company with sincere efforts after breaking such horrific news to them late last year when I actually celebrated my ‘real’ birthday. Real. Sometimes I wonder who understands the meaning this word ‘real’! I have had my share terrible days thanks to my over-indulgence with reality.

Also, the reality is not only the great King Henry VIII’s marriage to his first of his six wives was declared null & void on this day, but a lady who fought with me 3 years back regarding the same thing called ‘marriage’, after a 7-year courtship, is finally tying the knot on the same day. Today.

23rd May.

Let the celebrations begin…

(Guys, I know it's a crap post, but do bear me this time, won't bore you to death with emotional atyachaar anymore)

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Will You Please...

We accept it or not, but we do crib. It’s nothing but natural, as life is not the way we want it. so just like VVS Laxman saying why me each time he has been dropped from the Indian team, today, I also find myself saying why me. Though I always believed in the theory of ‘moving on’ with life after each setback one faces, I have to accept that there are few things that are going to remain with you still you exist. Nothing wrong, but again if that comes in the way of a new life you want to start, then it’s a problem. What to do about it? Way back in 1998, I was shortlisted for a national level quiz competition with one of my partner when I was in 9th standard, but could not get a call thanks to last minute schedule changes which did not allow us board the train. Reason: our school was not having a big profile. I studied science in 11th & 12th standard, it was not my choice, but my father had never thought anything beyond science stream. My score in 12th has proven him wrong. I did not know where to go from there, but Dad himself helped me to choose a discipline that suits me best. And that was the last time he suggested me anything on my career though I ask him before taking any decisions, love him for that.

I had this awesome dream I saw for some 7-odd years before realizing that I have been asked to wake up. I woke up, found the other person involved in the dream nowhere. Thought will move on. Just a few days of disbelief and then life was back on track. Or so I thought. After being a benchmark for others for being in a relationship for so long, became a benchmark on how to move on after you are all alone. Felt great to maintain my benchmarking level intact (sometimes I owe this attribute to my internship project on benchmarking analysis of PMS across industries, LOL). Life kept on moving. Many new persons came and my heart kept on planning for renewed dreams. Mind was anyways not in a mood. After waking up, 1 year I was into some kind of hibernation thanks to my corporate engagements and my close friends. Then life saw many colors with all shades. They came & they went. Sometimes, I forced them to. I have been rude, I accept. 3 years down the line, today, when I look back, I see that I have lost more than thing after that ‘wake up’. I realized that the lady, who has not been with me, has also taken away many emotions which cannot be reproduced again. They are irreparable. She has been a great influence in my life for such a long time; I spent 1/3rd of my life when we got separated. That’s a big ratio. Last 3 years has given me enough opportunities and I was upto the task, almost. But you know what, something’s missing. Something’s really missing. I think she took away all those emotions from me. I get close… I get touched… then I feel blank. Can’t explain how those moments are being passed by me nonchalantly. Sometimes I feel have I really moved on? Or is it that I am just trying to pretend and has perfected the art of pretention. Till when dude?

Is ‘love’ still a reality for me? Or it has become an illusion like ‘happiness’? Anyways, illusions are entertaining… but sometimes. I have stopped defining what happiness is. These days it has become a 15% hike in appraisal, having a dum biriyani or finding a place to stand in the local train on my way to office. Wow! Till when I will become happy with all these things? I know, it’s over…long time… but have I lost the capability to get into that mode in my life again? I know I am out of it, but why do I feel bored of doing those simple and stupid things again? I hate doing clichéd things, but atleast let me not make anybody sad and not make anybody say that I am such a boring guy. It’s tough yaar. I am tired. Neither can I be artificial nor can I am able to define happiness. Have been living alone for so long now... never had the habit...

Would I ever be able do define what is this ‘happiness’ all about? Or a ‘final goodbye’ from this world is just the right answer? Hey Mom…Dad… all of you… please allow me… find one thing….


Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Summer Bites...

I just had a look at my post uploaded almost at this time last year Summer of '09, and I realised how good it was to anticipate summer as the school gets closed and we had all the time in the world to plan our long vacation. I am working since last 3 summers in order to pursue higher career growth. Atelast I presume so. I have forgotten what it means to dare the sun and roam around in the hot afternoons like I used to. The worst part is when you want to forget something, you fail 9 out of 10 times and when you really to remember something, the equation reads the opposite. Before I get more nostalgic and sound more pathetic, I need to stop.

Had been working day in & day out without a break since last 4 months... A few parties here & there have saved me from dying as a workaholic. Appraisal's still to happen. Work is getting less challenging after finishing all the assignments. End result: monotonous is the word of the day. Even twittering is getting on to the head. Bro's coming for internship, also expecting parents to accompany him for few days as my home trip is not looking a reality till end of November. IPL's getting all possible TRPs for masala we have never seen before. Quality cricket, worst cricket, scandals, corruption, allegations and some renewed energy inside the cheerleaders. Guys retaliating girls by getting married this year, seems they think it's some kinda revenge. Sometimes illusions make you happy. Girls were on a marriage spree last year. At this rate, my entire class will be over by next year. But, I am more than sure that I'll be the last man standing. Those who are not into the marriage thing, are still sorting out their professional career graph by retaliating with their bosses... yes switching jobs.

Nothing comes easy. Nothing is given to you. Whatever you do, you've got to work for it and earn it. Whatever reward you get you've got to know that you've had your input into that success. There's no substitute for hard work. And if you want to be well known or well liked, you have to put yourself out for people.... No not misunderstand me, I have not written those last 2 lines. But whoever has written it sounds good though. I am quite impatient, so always missed the bus of success, went ahead without it in my life. Well, we do catch each other sometimes.

Life has become a 24 hour cycle with definitions and objectives attached to each hour.

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Hey You HR...

10 hours at workplace plus 1 hour for travelling. Add one more for getting prepared and settling down. Half of an IPL match and few mandatory calls. One bad lunch and one not-so-bad dinner. Then few tweets. Off to bed. This has precisely become my daily routine these days. No more time for social networking or blogging. Pizza & burger doses has lessened to almost zero. Am I cribbing? No, not at all. Cribbing is what employees do. I am a part of management, I represent management. That’s what corporates say about HRs. I have devised too many new things to be implemented in my company, few already are and few are in pipeline. Employee engagement is at an all-time high. End result??? Employees thinking all we are wasting their precious time, which they could use in catching an earlier bus back home. Am I again cribbing? Nah… It’s easy for any employee to crib just about anything and HR has to term it as a “grievance”. I spend 1 hour every evening on that, corporates call it EGR…employee grievance redressal. When an employee thinks only about going back home when done with his/her work saying who the bloody wants to stay back in the workplace; how do I think of designing a Kirkpatrick model of training to assess their growth & performance. Forget about understanding, do they even care about these HR initiatives? A gracious lady came to work at 6 in the evening and was arguing with me to allow her to start work for 3 hours, her shift timing was 9 AM. Her argument was she thinks the company belongs to her and she can come anytime to finish her work. As if our Ops team is waiting only for that lady to grace our floor. Sometimes I feel either they don’t understand management’s plans for them or may be I do not understand them. And these are the same employees who give feedback in anonymous survey about HR that we need sessions on professionalism! Apart from some 25-30 odd percentages of theories we had to study during our MBA, you won’t find a fuck of rest of the theories in practical corporate life. You may find a bunch of jokers with you whom you have to call your sincere & hardworking colleagues. You may find some jerk whom you have to call boss. It is said say you can’t choose your colleagues or your boss. But who the hell chooses them in the first place? Way out is just one thing: luck…. If you are lucky enough you get a good profile and a team to work with and a supervisor who understand and recognize what you do. Is this too much to ask for? Or is that such workplace matrix does not exist anymore? Then we need to stop these fucking much hyped surveys on ‘best places to work for’. I believe I am lucky enough…

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Stickin To My Ground!!!

Sachin hits 200... Good day @ office... Done with all my tasks for the month... Listening Nikhil's new mixes... Submerge's cool... Why this abstract post???

I am NOT going anywhere guys... The city & me has to play the music together... Let's make music and come join the party... 3 trips in coming months... After that it's home trip in Diwali... But only a trip... No going back... Mark that... Corporate culture learning should take the front seat for now... Work hard... Party harder... Mangii & Olives here I come...

Scahin's God... And I am not leaving him alone here in this city ;-)

Saturday, February 20, 2010

Repair Almost Anything...

My name is a ‘common-man’, and I can not repair anything. I can only repair few things. I can not repair broken trust, emotions and missing affections. I am also not saying they are beyond repair. I repair my employees, to some extent, to the best of my capabilities. Some liked it, some did not, in fact many didn't. That’s what my last anonymous employee feedback suggested for me. I am changing my ways, pattern and approach. Hope they like it; I am not God who has all the powers to make them happy. I try my best to repair if my friends get angry, if my brother wants something, failing most of the times. Yes, I have few successes to my name in this repairing business. The best one being my ability to bring some smile on people’s face with some unnecessary, unwanted, stupid & idiotic acts. But I manage to make them smile, and for me that’s what matters. Hope they like it too. Till date, only found that parents can only repair, and repair almost anything. Hope a day would also come like that for me. I was tired while writing my last one, I am tired today too, but the show must go on and the blog. Less confused now but want to sleep for long… with no reason to wake up again. No reasons at all. Weekends round the corner, and no plans in place. That’s the routine these days.

Need some repairing for my ‘self’.

Sunday, February 14, 2010

I Am Tired...

The short home trip was truly enjoyable, awesome and equally exhausting due to the packed schedule. It's been 4 years of me staying out of home and things have changed a lot since then. I have merely become a guest not only for my relatives back there but I am a guest at my home as well. Everyone behaves so specially with me during my stay that at a certain point of time it becomes quite awkward.

One of my cousins who always demands an expensive gift for him every time I go back home, is demanding a pair of kurtas now. His expectations has not decreased because I have not given him anything till date but he started thinking that I do not belong to the family anymore. He does not have that right or he does not believe that I will get what he asks for anymore :( My maternal grandpa is touching 100 and still going on. He is quite a strong person at heart. He has married off his 5 daughters and 1 son and seen & gone through a lot in his life. Though I have seen him breaking down, but not on happy occasions. The last marriage I attended was of his grandson and he was not really happy with his grandson's choice of the bride. But at the end of the day, he has a heart that only knows to love, he broke down when he saw that the new bride has come home and hugged him. They both cried and he hugged all of us, with unending tears in his eyes. He is a father, he knows what it takes to bring up the children, he can't be angry forever. Found Mom quite busy for me, preparing 10 different dishes and getting tired. I kept on waiting when we both could sit & talk, but I was busy attending events and she was busy for me. For her, that's happiness. For me happiness is defined by her. She does not understand. I don't want her handmade delicacies when that's going to make me miss her from 2000 kms distance. Dad is busy in working unlimited hours and making our future secure. Till when he will slog? He is into mid-fifties and still works more passionately than me. I do not want that, I want him to sit back & relax. He has done too much, it's time for us to take it forward with whatever little experience we have. My brother & I talk pretty less and share a relation that involves more of wavelength-match than anything else. I miss him all the time when I am here and can feel he would be relatively happy if I go back.

But again, my old city has changed. It's just too crowded, the local people are complaining of outsiders intrusion, I reminded them of Raj Thackeray's stand on Mumbai. We can't deny an individuals right in a democratic country where everyone is free to go anywhere to get a living on his/her merit. The old peace of city has diminished a bit, if not completely. My secret backyards are also under threat ;) I was under the attack by all the family members, specially bhabhis, according to them I am the next man in line for marriage. For me it's the line of fire. But for me marriage is at the lowest priority now. I believe one should get married when he should be able to devote/balance time. When one knows when to switch on & switch off between work & home. When one is mentally ready for it, not when the family is ready.

I owe a lot to this city, Mumbai. It gave me a lot. All it asked from me is more discipline and hard work. This city gave me the freedom to think beyond the average things. My job profile and my bosses given me the freedom to think beyond the assigned work. Yes, they also have alleged that I have to leave behind that Odisa-attitude, which is reactive. My bosses taught me to be proactive, when I was just reactive. I almost have done so, and doing it everyday. Mumbai has its own attitude, and yes, it helps to look at life in a complete different way. If you want to make a life a here, then you can't look back. You can't think about your Mom who says you to come down to attend brother's marriage, or it won't allow when you feel like you should see your Dad on his anniversary. Work is priority and time is money here. You will learn what is professionalism in this city. But I am getting emotionally tired. I am hanging somewhere in between the memories and longing of my family and my aspirations to do 'big' things in life. These thoughts are colliding. I am tired mentally. It's taking a lot out of me, and sometimes I am going blank affecting my work and personal life. I love this city & its work culture. I love my family. Both are priorities. My staying away from home is gradually making me feel that I am never going to go back to them. And this thought is scary. If I go back, my boss will win, as one day he told me that you can't work in a private company, you belong to a PSU. I can't accept defeat by going home. I have given output upto his expectations, and worked without thinking about my scheduled time. But I am not here to prove him wrong or work in a PSU. But I kind of feel that options outside this city is going to send me into a guilt trip where I will find myself in a wrong place doing wrong things. I might have to start from the scratch if I go back home. I have few things planned out which I can start there, I can do things that I like and stay at home. Own venture, work, teaching & writing. Or all these are not worth? Oh God! I am confused.

Is home is the place for me? Is this city will be my new home? When will I stay with my parents for the rest of the lifetime? These are the days I want to spend with my closed ones. Similarly, this is time I have to invest in my career. Which path should I take? Which way to go? Money or Peace. Growth or Family. Lifestyle or happiness. Can I have both of these? Is there a way out?

I am tired and I want an answer.

Sunday, January 31, 2010

Month of Zero Life

Last day of the first month of 2010. Have not written a word for over a month. Work was the priority for most of the month and weekends passed without any comfort. People close to me became upset for not being able to meet them up or give time, people who are far wished I could be with them. I failed to meet any of their demands. Work, work & more work was my only routine throughout this entire month and I worked more than I did in last quarter of 2009. But still the pressure is on, will be there till March end... some appraisal thing they say. I most probably will miss 3 marriages of my closest bros and a friend. Can't express what it means to miss such rare & once in a lifetime occasions. Now that things are changing on professional front too fast, I hope it changes me as a human being as well, for better. Roger won today, sweet 16 now for him... twitter is on all time high... orkut is almost out. I recovered my old hard disk drive and with that some memories. Slept just 3 nights at my place in this entire month... saw one movie... and zero shopping. Puja was there for our new home today... Dad & Mom's anniversary tomorrow. Mom missing me too much, wants me there for the marriages, son hanging around for leaves/appraisals/bosses/pressure/deadlines...
but tells her he will be home soon.